Which side of me will win?

“Oh… no… no… just… fuck off!”

And so began a very long day. If those weren’t the exact words out of my mouth at the time, they were the exact words that went through my head when I recalled the first waking moments of the day some 12 hours later.

Very tired, very cranky day. And very hungry morning. The fury of the Spoon Of Justice was unleashed without mercy many times today. Things got so out of hand I even had to administer it quite firmly to my own forehead at one point, much to the amusement of Dave, who expressed some glee at witnessing the tool of his oppression turning against its own master. I think it was glee anyway. He looked at me and made a weird noise.

I had a fuckload of lasagne and a raspberry crumble for lunch, which dealt with my hunger but did little to wake me up. By the end of the day, I could barely contain my total indifference to everything, and I suspect some of my co-workers may have detected it.

After work I went to Tesco’s then to a cashpoint, but should have done it the other way around so that I would have had change for the bus. I’ve been such a fool! Fortunately, Dan Howdle was at hand to lend me change for the bus. I haven’t forgotten he did that yet, but will have done tomorrow. As will he, probably. So if someone reading this could remind me to pay him back £2, that’d be great.

I got the bus to Christchurch with Dan and Sam. That is to say we got on the same bus, not that we all went to Christchurch together. If I didn’t take the time to clarify points like that, just think how much shorter these blogs would be. I think we talked about video games a bit, then I read this month’s Buster Gonad & His Unfeasibly Large Testicles strip. I did a little out-loud laugh when the tailor told Buster to hole his arms out wide and Buster dropped his unfeasibly large testicles on the tailor’s head. The poor man was hospitalised. Shouldn’t laugh really.

Boredom once again stomped freely all over funniness during my hospital visit, then during my journey home as well, with a helping hand from frustration and dismay. I got home, sent an e-mail, washed off the marinade, then did this.

By the way, I was having trouble thinking of an image for this one, so I thought, “I’ll Google ‘spoon of justice’ and just use, I dunno, the 55th image that comes up, whatever it is.”

“Leave it to fate.” I thought. And that’s honestly what I did.

And I’ve had a request for my vegetable chilli recipe, so here it is…

Gav’s ‘God Of Fire’ Chilli

Serves 4

1 onion, chopped
1 garlic clove, finely chopped (although I actually never bother with fresh garlic)
1 courgette, quartered and sliced
1 large pepper, chopped (any colour, ideally two different colour halves, or three thirds)
1 chilli pepper, finely chopped
About 4-5 mushrooms, sliced
200g sweetcorn, drained
400g red kidney beans, drained
400g chopped tomatoes
Spices (this varies, but the things I use include salt, pepper, tabasco sauce, chilli powder, paprika, dried garlic and ground coriander)
100g cheese, ideally Mexicana (optional)

– Get a big, fuck off wok and heat some oil in it. Probably about two tablespoonfuls.
– Fry the onions and garlic (if you’re using fresh) for a couple of minutes ‘til they start to go brown.
– Chuck in the courgette and fry that until it starts to go brown.
– Chuck in the pepper and chilli pepper and fry them until you start coughing.
– Chuck in the mushroom. Keep stirring and frying until every bit of mushroom’s had a bit of a go at the bottom of the pile.
– Chuck in the sweetcorn and kidney beans and stir the mixture without flinging it everywhere.
– Chuck in the tomatoes and stir.
– Turn down to a low-ish heat and stir in your spices. Put loads in, don’t be a wuss.
– This is where I start making the rice, but you might be having wraps or chips or tacos or salad or toast or waffles or mash with yours, so adapt as necessary.
– The point is, you’ve got to simmer your chilli for at least another 15 minutes, stirring it lots.
– The way I check whether it’s ready is by shoving it to the back of the wok, then tipping the wok forwards. If the sauce runs free from the veg across the base of the wok it’s not thick enough yet. If not, it’s ready. Hope that makes sense. If it doesn’t, tough.
– Serve with whatever you want, really. I usually have boiled white rice. Grate cheese over the top.


Filed under: My boring funny day, Recipes, , , , , , , , , , , ,

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