Which side of me will win?

Sex Face vs Metal Face

The following blog post contains material of a filthy, pornographic nature and therefore probably shouldn’t be viewed by anyone anywhere.

A few weeks back, I was at a metal show and a friend told me she reckoned that the face someone makes when headbanging – their ‘metal face’, if you will – is the same as the face they make when having sex – their ‘sex face’ if you also will.

I have a couple of problems with this.

First of all, I haven’t been able to enjoy metal in public since without being really self conscious about what kind of face I might be making and what people might be reading into it.

And secondly, it’s not even true. See, here’s my metal face…

…and here’s my sex face…

Told you. Completely different faces.

However, it dawned on me that just because someone’s metal face isn’t the same as their own sex face, doesn’t mean it isn’t the same as someone else’s. I decided to investigate this idea and, sure enough, found ample evidence to support it.

I gathered a load of pictures of famous metal stars pulling their best metal faces, then I looked at a load of porn searching for people making the same faces. It was actually quite easy.

The results are hilarious and sexy and deeply disturbing all at the same time. So, I’ll give you one last warning – there’s hardcore pornography further down this page. I mean it.

Rob Zombie

Metallica – James Hetfield

Zakk Wylde

Megadeth – Dave Mustaine

Ronnie James Dio

Randy Rhoads

Pantera – Dimebag Darrell

Devin Townsend

Judas Priest – Rob Halford

Manowar – Eric Adams

Manowar – David Shankle

Manowar – Joey Demaio

Machine Head – Robb Flynn

…and Iron Maiden’s Bruce Dickinson with Robb Flynn


Filed under: Faces, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 Responses

  1. S. Van Lure says:

    hahahaha, genius!

  2. xander says:

    Funny article. The tags are hilarious.

    your metal face is pretty weak, though.

  3. It makes sense. They’re the two most pleasurable things there are.

  4. Tonny says:

    I think you should post the actresses names too ;P

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: