boringvsfunny

Which side of me will win?

Metalcamp 2012: Pee in my glass

“Hey Gavin, make me famous. Put me in your blog.”
“Hey Gavin, do you have any good stories for your blog yet?”
“Hey Gavin, now can we play The Poo Game?”

I didn’t realise when I wrote a series of Metalcamp 2011 blogs last year what pressure I would be putting myself under when Metalcamp 2012 rolled around. Suddenly I felt like I was on a journalistic assignment. Like I had to seek out the wildest and wackiest stories Metalcamp 2012 had to offer and dutifully report them to the 17 people hardcore enough to have read every single episode of last year’s series.

Yes, that’s how famous Adrian Acton wants to be. He wants at least 17 people to see his name on their screens. 17 people who probably all have his name in the contacts list of their phones.

What Adrian doesn’t know – or didn’t until I told him – is that he’s already about as famous on this blog as he’ll ever be. The most popular episode of last year’s series was The Show Must Go On, and I’m pretty sure this is almost entirely down to his photograph of a stripper’s bottom – the only one he kept out of about 200 he took. In fairness though, that episode is also a bloody good read.

WordPress also tells me that the search term ‘adrian action’ has brought a visitor to this site not just once, but twice. If that’s not real fame, I don’t know what is.

The famous Adrian Acton.

Anyway, I’m basically just stalling here because I was more or less asleep for the entire festival and can’t remember a thing. Is it okay if I make a bunch of stuff up? Okay good. That’s what I did last time anyway.

The story of my Metalcamp 2012 begins three days before the official start date. I went to a bar in Ljubljana to meet up with some fellow Metalcampers. On my way to the bar I was shouted at by the occupants of a passing car. I couldn’t figure out why they were shouting at me until it dawned on me, just as they pulled away, who they were. It was Katarina (a.k.a. Katka) and Marko (a.k.a. Marč), and it’s difficult to describe quite what a surprise it was to see them without being terribly long-winded about it. Let’s just say…

WURGHA-BOO! HEEHEE!

…about that surprising, okay?

So, I got to the bar and there, as expected, I found Nina and Matty, with whom I am already well acquainted, along with a handful of other Metalcampers, including Dorian, Tzafi and Barbi. Plus one treacherous non-Metalcamper, named Kaya. She’s a Brutal Assaulter this year, but we’ll try not to hold that against her. It’s a pity the scheduling of these metal fests must divide us so.

Anyway, the real reason I’m rambling through this story about going to a bar is that eventually something hysterically funny, that will have knock-on consequences for the rest of the week, happens. Although don’t get your hopes up. You probably had to be there, and you definitely had to be Slovenian.

For some reason I was talking about words in Slovene that sound similar to the same word in German. I thought that both the word for ‘bottle’ and the word for ‘glass’ were almost the same. ‘Bottle’ definitely is – it’s ‘Flasche’ in German and ‘flaš’ in Slovene – but whatever I said was what I thought the word for ‘glass’ was in Slovene (I don’t remember now, I was talking rubbish anyway) sounded more like a Slovene word for ‘pee’, so I was told. My immediate response was to ask what the Slovene for ‘pee in my glass’ was and… well… the situation really started to snowball from there.

My Slovene chums told me, but they told me too fast. I needed to hear and repeat the individual sounds, so I told them so, and they slowed down. And, for some reason, I really slowed down, and the slower I got, the more hysterical with laughter Nina, Kaya and Barbi became.

“You sound like a retard!” they squealed. To give you an idea of what I sounded like, read this to yourself as if you’re being played back at half speed,

“Posh tea seh meeoo kozaaaaaarrrrrret”

I thought Kaya was going to pee not in my glass, but in her own pants.

Martina probably isn’t asking Gregor to pee in her glass here.
But she might be.

It got less funny the better I got at saying it but, it has to be said, more effective. Just six days later I was so good at saying it that someone did actually pee in my glass. It was a plastic glass, and I wasn’t holding it at the time, but it still counts.

I was grateful too, because by that time I was out of beer, out of money and really, really thirsty. Hey, if it does the job…

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Filed under: Metalcamp, , , , , ,

One Response

  1. Poščij se mi u kozarec! 😀

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