boringvsfunny

Which side of me will win?

I once tried to get religious – this is what happened

religion_heavy_metal

With religion in the news (just for a change) I thought it’d be an opportune time to do something I’ve been meaning to do for ages, and that is to turn an exchange of emails I had with the UK’s Office Of National Statistics, regarding the classification of religions (or not) in the national census results, into a blog.

During the lead-up to the 2011 UK Census, Metal Hammer magazine spearheaded a campaign to get heavy metal officially recognised as a religion, by encouraging its readers to enter that as their religion on their census forms. Personally, I needed no such campaign. I intended to state heavy metal as my religion anyway, for two reasons: Read the rest of this entry »

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Filed under: Manowar, Opinion, , ,

Czeching for lumps

If you think that title’s bad – and if you do, then you’re right – then you should see all the titles I rejected. You really should. I mean it. And I’m going to write them here so you can:

Czech mate (too prostitutey)
Czeching in (already used it in a Facebook update)
Czeching the oil (Manowar don’t wear oil any more)
Mic Czech (just shit)
Bouncing Czechs (only just thought of that – not bad actually)
Czech your balance (if only I’d fallen over at any point)
Czech disk (…)
Czech Norris (probably a close second place, that one)
Spell Czech (lazy)
Czech train times (it works…)
Czech yourself before you wreck yourself (lame)

I went for ‘Czeching for lumps’ because it brings to mind breasts, testicles and cancer – two out of five of which are among my favourite things, which is a pretty good ratio. Read the rest of this entry »

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Metalcamp 2011: Wind In The Sword

Tonight, the people of Metalcamp will know the power of my sword.

I will lead the charge, the wind into my sword. Which is to say I took a massive rubber inflatable sword to Metalcamp.

I’d kept it sheathed up ‘til tonight but, as Mastodon closed their set, I heard it calling me. So I went back to my tent to get it then headed down to the beach bar, fire in my soul, steel by my side. Read the rest of this entry »

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Top 10 Metal Intros – The Truth Exposed!

I feel dirty and wrong admitting this, but I’m stealing an idea from NME. Pretty much wholesale too, although mine will be better and truer, obviously. So without further ado, here are 10 intros much better than the one you’re just about to finish reading… Read the rest of this entry »

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The cat came back

I remember this morning being a particularly sweary one. I’m not a good sleeper and not a good waker-upper either, so I need not one, not two, but three separate devices with alarms to get me out of bed in the morning. The downside of this is that they keep going off even after I am up and out of bed, so I have to keep returning to my bedroom to swear them into silence. I distinctly remember telling my phone to fuck off this morning. It’s a proper little mouthy cunt, I tell you.

The cat came back. That should really be one of the cats came back, as there are two. This time last year, and throughout last summer, I enjoyed regular visits from two of my feline neighbours. Usually just one at a time. On the one occasion they were both in here at once, things turned a bit nasty. I don’t know which one came in this morning, as it was too dark to see, but I’m guessing it was Battle Cat, the larger of the two. I called them Battle Cat and Cringer because, not seeing them in the same place at the same time for so long, I suspected they were the same cat, with the larger being a super, magic version of the other. Anyway, I look forward to further visits, although I hope there’s no more fighting. And I hope Cringer has learned his lesson after the time he refused to leave when I went to work, then pissed his little cat-pants during the 9 hours he was locked in the flat. Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Manowar, My boring funny day, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Drums Of Doom still beat in my heart

This morning I woke up, eventually got up, then had some food and went for a long walk along the beach in glorious sunshine. Then I went to Sainsbury’s, where nothing funny happened. But fuck all that today. Fuck it. This post will be neither boring nor funny. Read the rest of this entry »

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